As I sit here carefully dabbing at the sweat beads that are threatening my fiercely sketched in eyebrows, it finally hits me. Summer is hitting its highest temps, and I have done zero preparation. My legs are translucent and fuzzy. My skin feels like a dried-out husk, and I am rifling through my makeup vanity looking for products that won’t make me feel like I’m suffocating under layers of goo. How is it that summer comes every year at the same time, yet somehow I am always caught by surprise? You’d think I’d have it together by now.
For the last ten years, I pretty much have avoided summer by living in foggy San Francisco. The temperature never exceeded the upper 70s and I could comfortably hide my armadillo skin behind long sleeves without feeling overheated. Those days are behind me now. I have moved away from the city and life just got real. Wearing sleeves is not an option. If I want to stay alive, I’m gonna have to show some skin. Well actually, first shed some skin and THEN show some skin.
I have two different methods for exfoliating my skin, manual and cosmetic. On areas like my feet, bum, tummy, and knees I use the Baiden Mitten. I have to admit, I was skeptical that a $50 cloth mitten could do anything to help soften my skin. The first time I slipped on this mitten, massaged my thigh and saw the dead skin peel off in thick gray rolls I was disgusted and ecstatic at the same time. I couldn’t believe how much dead skin I scrubbed off and I had to call my husband in to see it in the shower. He wasn’t as thrilled as I was. The Baiden Mitten is amazing, washable, reusable, eco-friendly and I highly recommend it. (Bonus: Baiden makes one for men!)
My other favorite exfoliating product is Sonia Roselli sexApeel ($39). This stuff is magic. You spray it on the dry areas, rub it in, and watch in wonderment as the parched old skin balls up and is rinsed away.
I typically use sexApeel on my chest, arms, shoulders and occasionally my face. It’s more gentle than the Baiden Mitten and works just as well with a lot less elbow grease. Once my skin has returned to its perfect embryonic softness and texture, I love to apply a rich nourishing body oil. My current favorite is Clarins Tonic Body Oil. It’s decadent!
Once my snake skins are shed, it’s on to taming the hairy beast. I have dark brown hair, I get goosebumps easily, and my skin freaks out if I shave, wax, sugar, or thread. I basically react to ALL of the known hair removal techniques. Just when I was starting to think I would rather have Yeti legs than deal with one more day of itchy-rashy-red-razor-bumped skin, I took a leap of faith and made a significant investment in laser hair removal.
You guys, I should have been doing this in my 20’s instead of spending all of my money on the Primp sweatsuits I saw Jessica Simpson sporting in the tabloids. I would be a hairless dolphin right now! Alas, I started late, but no regrets. The procedures are surprisingly painless–but some areas felt like I was getting repeatedly thwacked with a rubber band on my tender vittles, but it is totally manageable. I never thought I would see a day that I could go without shaving, but after my treatments, I can go weeks with only a few soft fine hairs popping up.
I went to Laser Away in San Francisco for my treatments and I highly recommend them. Word to the wise, it’s best to get laser hair removal done in the fall and winter seasons because you really need to avoid sun exposure while undergoing the laser hair removal treatments. You’ll need to go in for a consultation first, so be sure to check to see if there is a LaserAway office in your city.
Have you ever started sweating while wearing a full face of foundation? It’s hideous, uncomfortable and impossible to hide or correct the orange droplets streaking through your powder, highlight, and blush. I’m a Sweaty-Betty and once the waterworks turn on you’ve gotta put me in a meat locker to turn them off. I moved to a place that reaches the triple digits in the summer, so I had to switch up my makeup routine real quick before I heat-raged on the local grocery clerk with the perfect Instagram brows.
First and foremost, my foundation needed a change. I dug deep into the foundation archives and dusted off my MAC Studio Face and Body Foundation ($29). THIS is what I’m talking about. I don’t feel like I’m suffocating in a latex mask! My skin looks fresh, dewy, and modelesque. Extra super bonus because it stays on all day.
I simply set my undereye and any oily areas with a little Laura Mercier Translucent Powder ($23) and I can get through my day without assaulting people. Once I figured out the foundation, the rest was easy. Here is my daily “I could pass out at any moment from sunstroke” makeup routine:
–Inglot Sparkling Dust because even though I don’t want to look sweaty, I need to look shiny.
–Benefit “Precisely my Brow” pencil because, despite the constant threats of eradication by sweat, my brows have persisted.
–Labiotte Lip Stains. They look like tiny wine bottles, the colors are amazing and they last ALL DAY. Trust me, collect them all.
It’s the start of August and I finally bought a new pair of sandals. As I eagerly unboxed my new Melissa gold gladiators and slipped them on I realized I had overlooked a huge detail. My feet looked like Teen Wolf. Back to the basement…